On the Death Bed .....

For many years I worked in palliative care.
       My patients were those who had gone home to die.
       Some incredibly special times were shared.
       I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.



       People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
       I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth.
       Some changes were phenomenal.
       Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected: denial, fear,
       anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.
       Every single patient found their peace before they departed, every one of them.




       When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,
       common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

       1.
       I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself,
       not the life others expected of me.
       This was the most common regret of all.
       When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it,
       it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
       Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams
       and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

       It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way.
       From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late.
       Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longerhave it.

       2.
       I wish I didn't work so hard.
       This came from every male patient that I nursed.
       They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship.
       Women also spoke of this regret.
       But as most were from an older generation,
       many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.
       All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives
       on the treadmill of a work existence.

       By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way,
       it is possible to not need the income that you think you do.
       And by creating more space in your life,
       you become happier and more open to new opportunities,
       ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


       3.
       I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
       Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.
       As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and
       never became who they were truly capable of becoming.
       Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.



       We cannot control the reactions of others.
       However, people may initially react when you change
       the way you are, by speaking honestly,
       but in the end, it raises the relationship
       to a whole new and healthier level.
       Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship
       from your life.
       Either way, you win.


       4.
       I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
       Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends
       until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.
       Many had become so caught up in their own lives
       that they had let Golden friendships slip by over the years.
       There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships
       the time and effort that they deserved.
       Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
       (Not fair weather friends)


       It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.
       But when you are faced with your approaching death,
       the physical details of life fall away.
       People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible.
       But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them.
       They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love.
       Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task.
       It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end.
       That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


       5.
       I wish that I had let myself be happier.
       This is a surprisingly common one.
       Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice.
       They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.
       The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity over flowed into their emotions,
       as well as their physical lives.
       Fear of change had them pretending to others,
       and to themselves, that they were content.
       When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.


       When you are on your deathbed,
       what others think of you is a long way from your mind.
       How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,
       long before you are dying.

We are People ... Not Programmed Devices

Why men shouldn't write in advice columns!

The woman in your life...very well expressed...

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are; Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this......


Please appreciate "HER"


I hope you will do....

Embracing Imperfection - A touching story by a girl

"When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember Watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got Up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad For burning the toast.

And I'll never forget what he said: 'Baby, I love burned toast.' Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if He really liked his toast burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, 'Debbie, your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides-a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!' You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences - is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good,the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet of GOD. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn't a deal-breaker! We could extend this to any relationship in fact - as understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!! "

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket."

CELL PHONE vs. BHAGWAD GITA

THIS WILL MAKE YOU STOP AND THINK!!!>

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Gita like we treat our cellphone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several time a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we traveled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Gita?

Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't> have to worry about our Gita being disconnected because Krishna already paid the bill. Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities? And no dropped calls!

ESSENCE OF BHAGVAD GITA>

> Whatever has happened, has happened for good.
> Whatever is happening, is happening for good.
> Whatever is going to happen, it will be for good.
> What have you lost for which you cry?
> What did you bring with you, which you have lost?
> What did you produce, which has destroyed?
> You did not bring anything when you were born.
> Whatever you have, you have received from Him.
> Whatever you will give, you will give to Him.
> You came empty handed and you will go the same way..
> Whatever is yours today was somebody else's Yesterday and will be somebody else's tomorrow.

> > > > SO WHY WORRY UNNECESSARILY?

> > Change is the law of the universe.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY.....

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids.- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8 ( how true....)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich. - Pam, age 7 (purfffecttttttt ;) )
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.- Curt, age 7
(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.- Ricky, age 10 (ROTFL :D )

To All My Girl friends

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends.

Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and other relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do.

What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought. 'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake, a grownup, not a young girl who needs girlfriends! Surely my husband and the family we'll start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life.

After 50 years of living in this world, here is what I know about girlfriends:

Girlfriends bring you chicken curry when you need help.

Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.

Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.
Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.

Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.

Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.

Girlfriends pull you out of jams.

Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.

Girlfriend help you look for a new apartment, help you pack, and help you move.

Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!

Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.

Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.

Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.

Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.

Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.

Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.

Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

Times passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Love waxes and wanes.

Hearts break.

Careers end.

Jobs come and go.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Men don't call when they say they will.

BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.

A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

Pass this on to all the women who help's to make your life work.

I just did :)

Men And Women

Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they still have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.

Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

BEING IN TWENTIES – SOMETHING…

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion... We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

Wonder Wonder Wonder......

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there especially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway ?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream ??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me !!!!)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from ?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons ?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Read This Whenever You Are Free....The Patience Of A Father

An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.

The Father asked his Son, "What is this?" The Son replied "It is a crow". After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?" The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".

After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, What is this?" At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".

A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?" This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"

A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-

Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".

While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.

If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.

From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me."

They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today".

Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.

The 99 Club

Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content. One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy.

The King asked the servant, "Why are you so happy? ". The man replied, "Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don't need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies." The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor.

After hearing the King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club." "The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the King inquired.

The advisor replied, "Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's doorstep." When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... So many gold coins! He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, "What could've happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins! ".

He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection.

From that day, the servant's life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked. Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled.
When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club." He continued,

"The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never contented, because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves: "Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life." We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we're given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.

That's what joining The 99 Club is all about."

Price of One Hour ....

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door...

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"

Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"

Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"

addy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"

Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour""Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"

The father was furious, "if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room and go to bed.Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior"

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down,and started to think:"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"

The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door."Are you asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the man,

"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you.Here's the Rs.300 you asked for"

The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father.

"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied."Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you"


MORAL :-

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life.We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent sometime with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. If we die tomorrow,the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family....

Common lines after people get drunk…

1. Tu toh mera bhai hai re…

2.You know i am not drunk...

3. Gaadi mai chalaunga…

4. Abe abhi itni aur andar ja sakti hai…

5. Tu bura mat manana bhai…

6. Mai teri dil se izzat karta hu…

7. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....

8. Aaj saali chadh nahi rahi hai, kya bat hai ?…

9. Tu kya samajh raha hai mujhe chadh gayi hai…

10. Ye mat samajh ki piye mein bol raha hu…

11. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...

12. Chhote, ek ek chhota aur ho jae…

13. Baap ko mat sikha.

14. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...

15. Kuchh bhi hai par saala dost hai apna…

16. Tu bolna bhai, kya chahiye…Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???

17.Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi chadhee...shart laga saala aaj tu..

18. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...

19 . Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai..

The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies:

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve '

Delcaration for Staff members

Dear STAFF,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

ANNUAL LEAVE:

Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow! said 1 employee).- They are called SUNDAYs.

LUNCH BREAK:

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.


SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

TOILET USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.

a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.

b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.

c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

SURGERY:

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.To have something removed.